Danwei.org recently carried a very thought-provoking lecture by the Chinese heavy-metal (and now media consultant) pioneer Kaiser Kuo about Chinese and American “confrontations in cyber-space.” (The Danwei post and the streaming video of the lecture are available here.) In it, the author describes briefly the need for more “bridge blogging,” which I define as bloggers translating one another’s work, doing the kind of connecting that is necessary to show that the Great Firewall of China, and the language barriers, are not so formidable as once thought.
So apparently when I translate BBS comments from Chinese “netizens” on Huanqiu Shibao stories about North Korea, it counts as bridge blogging. China Smack has made a virtual industry of this, focusing on the most salaciously interesting tidbits of the Chinese internet. For some reason they seem to think that nothing is more important in China than prostitution crackdowns.
(But for colorful oeverage on Chinese scandal, nothing tops Andrew Jacobs’ recent work as the correspondent for the old paper beast, the New York Times, in Chongqing. Not only does Jacobs quote my colleague Sidney Rittenberg [who is back in Tacoma today] in this story, he writes like a God. If only our translations from the Chinese were so felicitious!)
But when Chinese internet users (which according to Kaiser Kuo number now 338 million, more than the entire population of the entire USA) arrive in this space and mix it up, then we have achieved something. I think that’s “bridge blogging.”
One recent prolix Chinese commentator arrived not long ago at the august gates of the Sinologistical Violoncellist, and left a number of comments. His name is He Jian, and he has a very distinctive prose (and, I would imagine, personal) style. I did a little looking around and found that he appears to be a 30-year old Christian democratic reformer in Shanghai whose writings have been suppressed.
In frustration at having his magnum opus, entitled 《何健语录》 (The Annals of He Jian), suppressed, he posted this poem on the Radio Free Asia website. Here is the original, followed by my rough translation. It is full of puns!
《何健语录》之大陆互联网现状调查
在中共的打压下：
google被阉了（google的oo是两颗睾丸，割掉后成了ggle）；
微软生病了（bing）；
苹果（apple）烂掉了；
雅虎哑巴了；
BBC背靠背什么也看不见了；
youtube你退步了；
维基百科萎靡不振了；
美国在线（AOL）悄然离线了；
Amazon态度暧昧了；
adobe阿大被毙了；
facebook被废了（非死不可）；
myspace卖身了（我这次不是指邓文迪）；
Double Click蜕变成双鸡了（宛若两个上海美眉主动去找日本男人谈价钱）；
Flickr流年不利了；
The Pirate Bay的海盗沦为共匪了；
friendster里的朋友死掉了；
Orkut没选项了；
Hulu里开始卖“高雅”药了；
joost这猪死了；
Blinkx不灵克死了（早晚要被共匪克死）；
Tudou煮熟共匪开始吃了；
hi5喝污了；
淘宝上看不到六四文化衫了；
阿里巴巴就更别提了；
Weather也开始报喜不报忧了；
至于百度、腾讯、新浪、搜狐、网易，本来就是中共的五虎将。
twitter尚未被共匪轮奸！但我（何健）预感，离那天不远了。
然而博讯（boxun）昂扬勃起了；
大纪元时代开启了；
人民报（renminbao）人民都看了。
人民日报与金正日一样快见阎王了。
戴尔拒戴绿帽（绿坝）好！
东芝不穿绿裙（绿坝）耶！
惠普、夏普不普及绿内裤帅！
松下不穿绿鞋棒！
日立不立于绿毯顶！
CNN还是CNN没沦为cn-network好棒！
当然这些只是少数派。
and it ends with his tagline, already seen here on this blog——摘自《何健语录》，欢迎转载，谢谢支持！ [From “Annals of He Jian,” Welcome Recopying, Thanks for Support!]
And my translation:
“Annals of He Jian” Current Investigation of Mainland Internet
Under the pressure strike of the Chinese Communist Party:
Google has been castrated （The “oo” in google are two testes, and once cut and dropped, “ggle” is all that’s left）；
Microsoft’s bing has gotten sick；
Apple has fallen；
Yahoo has become hoarse；
BBC back to back, now can’t be seen；
youtube, you ran away；
America Online（AOL） has suddenly dropped the line；
Amazon’s attitude has become shady；
adobe has died a violent death；
facebook has been crippled （it can’t avoid death）；
myspace sold my body （this time I can’t tell Deng Wendi）；
Double Click’s eggs turned into double chickens （as if two Shanghai beauties went to look for Japanese men with whom to discuss their price）；
Flickr had an unlucky year；
The Pirate Bay was boarded by Communist bandits on the high seas；
the friends in friendster all fell dead；
Orkut has no computer options；
In Hulu, one begins to read of “elegant” medicine；
joost: this pig is dead；
Blinkx can’t transmigrate its soul or die （in the early evening it was captured and killed by communist bandits)；
Tudou has been boiled and has begun to be eaten by the communist bandits；
hi5 is drinking liquid waste；
On Taobao, one can’t find any commemorations of June 4 culture’
On Ali Baba one can find even less；
Weather has also begun to report only the good news；
As for Baidu、QQ、Sina、Sohu、and 163.com? These are truly the CCP’s Five Brave Tiger Generals。
twitter still hasn’t been turned evil by the communist bandits! But I (He Jian) already perceive that the day is not far away.
but boxun’s high-spirited erection of a new era has begun；
the People’s Daily has been seen by all the people.
The People’s Daily and Kim Jong Il will soon be in Hades.
Dell resists Green Dam — good！
Toshiba does not put on the Green Skirt — ！
HP doesn’t need the Green to be graceful in the summertime！
Hitachi doesn’t need Green shoes！
CNN is still CNN and hasn’t turned into cartoon-network — really great！
Of course, these are just a few.
——摘自《何健语录》，欢迎转载，谢谢支持！
我（亚当教授）欢迎您们的评论，讨论，对话！
Adam Cathcart 
There is certainly a lot of truth to what he says but his writing style is seriously turning me (and I’d like to think that I am not alone here) off. There are just way too many Hejians out there these days making all sorts of noise. Just noise in my humble opinion. For much better, much more thoughtful and much more fluid anti-CCP rants and comments, I recommend Wuer Kaxi.
JCM,
Wuer Kaixi is blogging? I suppose I should not be suprised. I wonder if Kaiser Kuo’s writings will be to your taste; he is working on a book about online interactions which may be of interest. I like your phrase “fluid anti-CCP rants”; they must exist somewhere!
And sure there is a lot of huffing and puffing here, but he is expansive in the sense that covers a great deal of ground rather quickly, and, at least, carves out a certain personal space in the great ocean of anonymity that is the internet. I still get a kick out of these writings, if only because they are a bit of relief from the Ai Weiwei worship that I seem to be picking up from the German press. (Perhaps I should make glossy photos of Ai’s brain scan, set up a shop in Berlin, and sell them to the good people of Kreuzberg, thus assuring them of their avant-gardeness in the face of gentrifation [thus protecting them from snide single-source articles in Le Monde] and their belief in the freedom of the oppressed Chinese people.) Of course, I am being a bit snide — in fact I’m impressed by the intensity of the focus brought to matters Chinese by the educated German public (which is to say a large portion of the German public, which isn’t to say their China media coverage doesn’t have serious problems of emphasis).
何健的twitter:hejianjohnriver(John River是何健的英文名)
Adam,
Don’t even get me started on the Germans these days. There is something seriously wrong with them, I suppose. Oh well, that’s a discussion for another day.
Wuer Kaixi’s blog is here: http://wuerkaixi.com/. As much as I don’t agree with him on 80% of things, he is an excellent writer and thinker. Much better than He Jian’s 网络流氓文学.
Thanks for the link, JCM.
The German-China relationship is completely fascinating; I think not enough attention is paid to it in the US. For so long it appeared they weren’t interested in changing China’s internal dynamics, but now there is intense concern over Tibet in particular. Human rights groups and groups concerned with historical reconciilaition are often at odds with the business community (companies like VW and Lufthansa) who just want to keep things quiet and moving with the Chinese. Classical music is a wonderful way to do this.
Lately there has been some action on the German-Tibet front that I am working up, hopefully putting out in a week or so.
On a separate topic, I have been blanching a bit at the One Free Korea stuff today, which is way, way over the top. I think in general people of differing viewpoints should be sharing information with one another, as in some respects we are all engaged in common problems, but then again maybe that is too much to ask.
The Germans have all of sudden become the most self-righteous of all, coming off as big-time jerks carrying huge stick lambasting China on all fronts. I for one didn’t see this one coming, they totally caught me by surprise. The Germans seem to be so keen on replacing the US as the “champion of freedom and beacon of democracy” these days, they are trying SO hard (too hard, IMO) as if they were worried about not being seen by others as eager enough to break away from their treacherous past of the Nazi era. It seems that because they carried so much baggage from the past that they must show everyone how they have repented their sins and how they have become the new Germans, people who occupy the moral high ground nowadays, people who proudly uphold freedom, democracy, human rights and everything “good” about us human beings. Along the way the Germans unfortunately have become so unreasonable, so assertive, so self-righteous and such an obnoxiously condescending bunch that even a pro-German guy like me could no longer tolerate. That’s it! The hell with the Germans. I will get rid of my three aging German jerseys and root for England instead in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa! 🙂
One Free Korea is increasingly becoming an one-man show. I have noticed that fewer and fewer people are leaving comments. The way it is going right now, pretty soon it is going to fade into irrelevance.
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
我（何健）大胆预言２０４０年左右，大家会发现“大中华联邦”的诞生。之后的六十年内，１蒙古、２缅甸、３柬埔寨、４老挝、５北韩、６越南、７菲律宾、８南韩、９日本等九国都将以全民公投的方式加入“大中华联邦”。此“十国合一”的愿景是我毕生奋斗的目标！届时的“华元”（人民币的“升级版”；“华元”也可叫“中元”这里的“中”指“中间中立中介中肯”）的最小单位是“１分”，用的是刘晓波老师的肖像！！呵呵！！！
《何健语录》之陈独秀、张国焘、刘少奇、胡耀邦、赵紫阳、朱镕基、温家宝为中共党内七君子
（创作于２０１１年７月２３日，上海）
“陈”年往事还须提（“还须提”的变异版“仍需忆”）
“独”行特立新青年（“新青年”是陈独秀创办的杂志）
“秀”场人生数十载（“数十载”的变异版“几十年”）
“张”三李四王五何
“国”之才子北大人（“才子”的变异版为“栋梁”）
“焘”声依稀在耳畔（“依稀”的变异版为“依旧”）
“刘”邦之后二号刘（“二号刘”的变异版为“第二刘”）
“少”年得志晚凄凉（“晚凄凉”的变异版为“晚年悲”）
“奇”人奇事有少奇
“胡”公挚友李锐说（“胡公”指胡耀邦；“说”的变异版为“言”“曰”）
“耀”我中华复兴梦（“复兴梦”的变异版为“强国梦”）
“邦”交友好和真诚（“和”的变异版为“且”“又”）
“赵”氏孤徒鲍彤言（“言”的变异版为“说”“语”“曰”）
“紫”气东来出京城
“阳”光明媚照神州（“神州”的变异版为“大地”“中华”）
“朱”熹理学有哲理（“哲理”的变异版为“道理”）
“镕”基也当学此理（“当”的变异版为“应”）
“基”业已成功百年（“百年”的变异版为“千秋”“万代”）
“温”文儒雅做总理（“温文儒雅”的变异版为“温文尔雅”）
“家”和国和万事兴（“万事兴”的变异版为“大中华”“联合国”）
“宝”石玉佩是粪土
“为”师亦友不为敌（“为”指“是”；“为师亦友”的变异版为“为师为友”）
“中”华民族复兴梦（“复兴梦”的变异版为“强国梦”）
“共”荣共辱共担当（“共担当”的变异版为“共进退”）
“党”禁开放要规划（“开放”的变异版为“放开”；“要规划”的变异版为“当有期”“当有日”）
“内”国和平全球化（“和平”的变异版为“和解”“和睦”）
“七”星拱月中秋时（“中秋”的变异版为“团圆”）
“君”臣不再民做主（“再”的变异版为“存”“复”“在”）
“子”曰中共七君子（“子”指“何子”即“何健”）
载自《何健语录》之语录主何健的语录。【经典】
【大中华联邦第一才子何健】
【大中华联邦神用首席才子何健】
【诗人何健】
【词人何健】
【玩命书生何健】
【赌命小开何健】
【行为艺术大师何健】
欢迎转载，谢谢支持！如能翻译，不胜感激！
欢迎批判，谢谢反对！
欢迎沉默，谢谢中立！